How to Spice Up Your Marriage: 15 Ideas That Actually Work

Almost every long relationship hits the same point. Sex becomes predictable, schedules get in the way and one or both of you starts wondering where the spark went. That is normal, and it is fixable. Desire in a long marriage is less about chemistry and more about attention, novelty and making time.

The ideas below run from easy to adventurous. You do not need all fifteen. Pick two that sound good to both of you and start there.

Start With the Conversation

1. Talk About It Outside the Bedroom

The best time to talk about sex is not during it. Pick a relaxed moment, a walk or a drive, and start with something positive: "I love it when we..." Then ask, "Is there anything you have wanted to try?" Listen more than you talk.

2. Try the Yes, No, Maybe List

Each of you privately marks a list of activities as yes, no or maybe, then you compare only the overlaps. It takes the pressure off asking and often shows you already want the same things. Plenty of free lists exist online, or write your own together.

3. Schedule It, and Mean It

Scheduled sex sounds unromantic until you try it. A standing date removes the "are we or aren't we" tension and gives you time to look forward to it. Protect it like any other appointment.

Small Changes With Big Returns

4. Change the Setting

A different room, a hotel night or even new sheets and low lighting can make familiar sex feel new. Novelty in the environment carries over.

5. Slow Down Foreplay

Most couples rush it. Set a rule that the first twenty minutes are hands, mouths and massage only. A warming massage oil helps. You will find it in our lubricant range.

6. Dress for Each Other

Lingerie is not only for special occasions, and it is not only for her. Pick something together, or surprise each other. Stretch lace and bodystockings fit most bodies. See lingerie.

7. Send a Message During the Day

A flirty text at lunch builds anticipation for the evening. Keep it light, and keep it to your private phones.

Bring in a Toy

For many couples, a toy is the single biggest change. It adds sensation you cannot get any other way and often closes the "orgasm gap" during sex. Our guide to the best couples sex toys covers every type.

8. Start Small: A Bullet or Vibrating Ring

These work during the sex you already have, so there is nothing to learn. Most couples start here.

• 

  Easiest First Toy

  JOCK Enhancers Hard-On Vibrating Double C-Ring

  Jock · $39.00

  A stretchy vibrating ring that adds clitoral stimulation during sex, hands-free. Low cost and low pressure.

  Check Price at LuxuryToyX
• 

  Most Versatile

  VeDo Fini Rechargeable Silicone Bullet Vibrator

  VeDO · $40.00

  A rechargeable bullet either of you can hold in any position. Small, quiet and easy to bring out the first time.

  Check Price at LuxuryToyX

9. Hand Over the Remote

A remote control vibrator gives one partner control of the other's pleasure, at home or on a night out. It turns an ordinary dinner into a game. Browse remote control vibrators.

10. Shop Together

Browse a site together and each pick one thing under a set budget. Choosing together makes it shared from the start. Our sex toys under $50 and couples toys are good places to begin.

When You Are Ready for More

11. Try Light Restraint

A blindfold and soft cuffs change the dynamic more than you would expect. Agree on a safe word, keep it playful and check in often. A bondage kit has everything in one box.

• 

  Best First Bondage Kit

  Pipedream Fetish Fantasy Series 7-Piece Pink Passion Bondage Kit

  Fetish Fantasy · $46.00

  Soft cuffs, a blindfold and a tickler or flogger. Gentle enough for a first try and nothing you need to research first.

  Check Price at LuxuryToyX
• 

  Best Positioning Upgrade

  Sportsheets Pivot Positioner Wedge

  Sportsheets · $90.00

  A firm wedge or ramp that holds hips at a better angle. Comfortable, discreet and useful every time.

  Check Price at LuxuryToyX

12. Explore Role Reversal

Swapping who leads, including trying a strap-on, can be eye-opening for both partners. Start slowly with a strap-on kit and lots of lube.

13. Experiment With Positions

A positioning wedge makes some positions more comfortable and deeper, and it is easy to store. A sex swing takes it further. See machines and furniture.

14. Take Turns Planning a Night

Alternate who plans date night, including what happens after. The planner sets the theme; the other says yes or no to each part.

15. Book a Getaway

Even one night away from the house, the kids and the laundry lets you focus on each other. Pack a small toy and the lingerie you never wear at home.

What Not to Do

• Do not spring something big on your partner. Introduce new things in conversation first.
• Do not compare your sex life to anyone else's. What matters is whether it works for the two of you.
• Do not treat a toy as a criticism. Frame it as something you want to try together, never as a fix.

If low desire, pain or erection problems persist, talk to a doctor or a sex therapist. Many issues have simple medical answers.

Where to Start Tonight

Pick one idea from the first two sections and one from the toy section. Talk about it this week, then try it. For the conversation itself, our guide on how to use sex toys with a partner has words that make it easier.